Burden.

I’ve always been ashamed of my emotions.

I was actually taught to be…

 

I remember one time,

when I was in elementary school,

and I first told my dad

that I was depressed.

I was so scared,

I had no idea what was going on with me.

I had found a name for my ‘symptoms’:

Insomnia, sadness, rapid heart-beat,

through the internet.

I had no idea why I felt

the way I felt,

I was so scared.

So I went to my dad for help

and he said…

 

‘There are kids in Africa dying from hunger

and you’re sad over nothing.’

 

And after that,

he opened a bottle of beer

and he sighed

because I had been such a burden to him.

 

And he and my mom laughed

about this ‘problem’ that had occured upon them

Their little girl…

claiming to have depression.

Who had heard of such a silly thing?

 

.

 

I’m sorry dad

for being such a burden

but it wasn’t my fault.

It. Wasn’t. My. Fault.

I couldn’t help it…

I couldn’t stop the feelings that were running through me…

I couldn’t stop them if I wanted to.

I couldn’t help the sleepless nights…

Couldn’t help fearing the dark

for reasons I couldn’t understand.

 

I didn’t want the feelings that I had.

So sorry dad, for being such a burden.

 

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8 thoughts on “Burden.

  1. Jay Kaushal says:

    If my words can reach
    that sad little girl
    although it’s been a long time..
    You’re a brave little girl my dear.
    They may not get you,
    And you may suffer a lot.. Inside;
    But I promise you this..
    The day you find your ‘voice’..
    That day you’ll begin to feel fine.

    Keep writing! Great work.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sundaram Chauhan says:

    Hey Eva… this… moved me so much. I heart goes out to this tender little girl. I felt like protecting her, and felt so helpless that I couldn’t. I am happy the girl has grown to be a strong woman, travelling across the world, facing her fears, accepting her past, writing, working out, and constantly striving to get better. Keep shining my friend.πŸ‘βœŒπŸ––πŸ€˜πŸ‘ˆπŸ’ͺπŸ‘ˆ:-):-)

    Liked by 1 person

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